December 5, 2013
How DC Stole Detective Comics

With massive apologies to Dr. Seuss




Source: Subscription Sadness For Detective Comics #27

Every Fan
Down in basements
Like Batman a lot.

But Darth Didio
With his head up his ass
Did not.

Didio hated comics! The whole damn industry
No one is sure why, it’s just his tendency.
It has been said that his brain was incomplete,
It has been said that his soul was obsolete.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his Dick* was two sizes too small.

(*Grayson, that is. Come on, this is a children’s poem!)

Yes,
You understand the truth.
The Grinch is real.
Hating the fanboys is pretty much his whole deal,
And who could blame him?
Anyone who’s met one would join in.
But worse, they take to the net and spread the word:
Darth Didio, The Dinch, is a turd

"And they are expecting their comics," he said, with a sneer.
Detective Comics #27 is what they hold dear.”
Then he smiled, for he had an idea
For he is a dictator (just think “North Korea”)
Because, now he knew…

…All the fangirls and boys,
Would pay out the nose for this book with this ploy.
“So, then, let’s screw them all!’ he sang to Jim Lee.
“Subscribers shall not get the comic they desire… Now back on your knees”

Then word was sent out, through the mail (the slow kind)
Hoping no one would mind
That an $8 book
(You read that right, 800 cents, the comic took)
Would not come to subscribers homes, here, take a look:

You See!
He did something you won’t like at all.
To subscribers he said,”Find a store, maybe the mall.
For you will not receive your issue this month
It is too expensive, and we don’t like you that much.”

Then the fans, young and old (but mostly old), would sit down to tweet.
And they’d tweet! And they’d tweet!
And they’d TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!
They would tweet #FIREDIDIO, and “old DC’s neat,”
Which was something the Dinch couldn’t stand in the least!
My editor replied “It’s a BS double standard!”
Green Lantern anyone?” he demanded an answer.

I cannot continue with this tale.
My head hurts from too much ale.
If you think this was not hard,
You go ahead and try to be a bard.

But, the story is (mostly) true.
Would we lie to you?
In a parody Christmas poem written by a Jew?
Subscribers will be screwed, of this we are sure.
For Bleeding Cool’s tales are always secure

Now, don’t get all wary, little Mary Lou Fan,
I will answer your query as best as I can.
We know at the Outhouse how to end this encounter
That’s right, sound the alarms, and reset the counter!



Written or Contributed by GHERU


December 2, 2013
You No “Twilight” Frank!

FRANK MAD!

November 21, 2013
p(RU)views featuring WIFE: All-New X-Men #20

Not our best effort, but considering the source material…




Source: Marvel Press Release

RU and WIFE retrun with an all new Marvel First Look: All-New X-Men #20.

All-New X-Men #20 Cover

WIFE: Awe.

WIFE: What are we looking at here? I need some context.

RU: You are looking at the young Scott Summers (from the past brought to the present) making out with the female clone of Wolverine.

WIFE: Interesting. I admittedly don’t know much about X-Men, but I don’t think those two would like that.

RU: Which two?

WIFE: The real Wolverine and Scott Summers. Am I wrong?

RU: You’re not wrong, But, c’mon, those two have needed to bone for years…according to the feels on tumblr and the rest of the internet.

WIFE: Ok, fair enough…but let’s back this soul train up a little bit.

RU: Before you begin, this is why I was specifically asked to this pRUview with you. OK, go.

WIFE: I have lots of questions here:

  1. So X-Men are time travelers now? 
  2. Why not only was Wolverine cloned, but why was he cloned into a teenage girl? 
  3. He does not look like he’s very comfortable in that kiss, not really a question, more of a statement. 
  4. Why is her leg up like that? I wouldn’t expect the female Wolverine to be a 1950s schoolgirl.

RU: In order:

  1. The X-Men have traveled in time before, but NowBeast went back in time to bring the original X-Men to the present (as teenagers) to try and show NowScott Summers what a douche he’s become (his words) by contrast to his younger, less militant self.
  2. Because, what’s better than having your own super killing machine that you can’t control….and then adding the fun and excitement of a teenage girl.
  3. It might be his first kiss, at least his first that wasn’t Jean Grey. Well, that, and the claws.
  4. I don’t know, I kind of like that she has this side to her.

WIFE: All righty then.

All-New X-Men #20 preview page 1:

RU: Do you see what I see?

WIFE: Is this a pillow fight gone awry?

RU: Some boobs, some boobs, center of the page.

WIFE: Oh, good, the dragon is back. Is that the same dragon from the last one we did? I like him.

RU: Yes. Ugh, I tried reading that comic; ‘bout stabbed my eyes out.

WIFE: I’m glad you didn’t, your eyes are very pretty.

RU: I know.

RU: Is it me, or does the second to last panel look like its going all: “I’m not looking at Jeans chest”, “I’m pooping”, “You guys are dumb fucks.” and “I’m thinking, look at me think.”?

WIFE: I think I need some wine.

All New X-Men #20 preview page 2

RU: With all the TnA in this book, I’m surprised they didn’t make her “cold.”

WIFE: That’s a fair point. Anatomically speaking, she is in the snow in a tank top. She should be cold.

RU: Of all the times for a comic NOT to do that, they choose the one time it would actually work for the story.

RU & WIFE: IS SHE SNIFFING HIM?!

RU: She does not trust what she smells.

WIFE: Clearly he farted. Look at her face.

All New X-Men #20 preview page 3:

RU: Now strike a pose! VOGUE!

WIFE: What’s with the big ol’ cross?

RU: Jesus, mostly.

WIFE: End scene.

RU: Beyond the big spoiler for Avengers Arena, this looks ok…I guess we’ll find out on 12/15/2013

—-

Wolverine’s Clone Returns In Your First Look At ALL-NEW X-MEN #20!

Marvel is pleased to present your first look at the action-packed All-New X-Men #20, from the blockbuster creative team of Brian Michael Bendis, Brandon Peterson & Mahmud Asrar! There’s a new student at the New Xavier School – and she’s not too happy her new “campus” is housed inside a former Weapon X facility! X-23 wants answers – and she’s not going to ask nicely. But before she gets then, she and the All-New X-Men must face down a heavily armed squad of mutant-hunting Purifiers! And Laura may just find comfort in the arms of one of her new teammates – young Cyclops of the All-New X-Men! It all starts this December in All-New X-Men #20!

ALL-NEW X-MEN #20 (OCT130723)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Art by BRANDON PETERSON & MAHMUD ASRAR
Cover by BRANDON PETERSON
X-Men 50th Anniversary Variant Also Available
FOC 11/25/13, ON-SALE 12/15/13 

—-

p(RU)views featuring WIFENova #4, X-Men #1, Avengers #14, Age Of Ultron #10A.I., New Avengers #8, Avengers #8, X-Men: Battle Of The Atom #1New Avengers #9, Iron Man #15Thor: God of Thunder #14, Amazing X-Men #1Night Of The Living Deadpool #1, X-Men Gold #1



Written or Contributed by GHERU


November 21, 2013
Senate Pushes Button On Nuclear Option, Harry Reid Transformed Into 80ft Tall Elf

Be careful what you wish for….




Source: RU’s Mind

After years of begging, thousands of petitions, and the prayers of millions, this morning The United States Senate finally pushed the button on the nuclear option. Unfortunately, rather than destroying each and every politician within the blast radius, the resulting mushroom cloud mutated most of the Senators and Congress(wo)men into monstrous versions of their worst traits. Whereas most of those affected survived the blast to find that their heads had, finally, found its way up in their own asses, there were some with more disastrous results.

Harry Reid (D), Senate Majority Leader, was painfully transformed into an 80ft tall elf with the power to put anyone within ear shot to sleep with just the sound of his voice. Much like Gregor Samsa, the pathetic protagonist form Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, senior senator from Kentucky, Mitch McConnell, awoke from his early mid-morning nap to discover that he had turned into a giant turtle and immediately launched himself into space in search of Rincewind The Wizard. The most dramatic, and frightening, transformation came in the form of the junior senator from Kentucky, Rand Paul (R), who greeted reporters naked from the waist up looking like a Rob Liefeld creation:

Not surprisingly, congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R), was unaffected by the radiation. Theories regarding why she was left alone range from the idea that she was already an atomic powered monstrosity to the assumption that she is not affected by radiation like those native to this plant. Either way, the outgoing congresswoman remains the scariest monster in the DC area.

The public has been advised to stay away from any national politician for fear that they too would be negatively affected by the toxic auras permeating from those affected. This, of course, has been the stance of most Americans over the past couple of decades and it is assumed that this tragedy (?) will not affect the daily lives of anyone outside of national politics.



Written or Contributed by GHERU


November 15, 2013
theouthouseblog:


Brian Wood Responds to Tess Fowler’s Accusations

theouthouseblog:

Brian Wood Responds to Tess Fowler’s Accusations

November 12, 2013
Frankenvestigation: Who Pope Bless?

Frank think this Pope seem like pretty good guy.

November 11, 2013
Thor Beats Off Orson Scott Card

…with a little help from Loki.




Source: UPDATE: Domestic Box Office Top 10: ‘Thor 2′ Eyeing M To .7M Weekend

According to deadline.com, Thor: The Dark World will end the weekend out preforming many estimates and should earn somewhere in the $85-87 million range, easily taking the number one spot away from Ender’s Game. Thor and his evil half-brother, Loki tag-teamed the box office to easily spunk out a win all over Card’s face. Not content with keeping it in the family, there is still a three way for this weekend’s sloppy seconds between Bad Grandpa, Last Vegas, and Free Birds.

Upon hearing about his position in the box office sandwich, Orson Scott Card was overheard to say that: “…when popularity is the enemy of my work, then the people who are paying me for my bigotry have no choice but to change governments, by whatever means is made possible or necessary.”

That seems a bit excessive, this reporter can think of quite a few people who wouldn’t have minded ending the weekend in Card’s position.
 



Written or Contributed by GHERU


November 7, 2013
Is Bleeding Cool an Irony-Free Outhouse? : The Asylum - The Outhouse - The Greatest Comic Book Forum

November 6, 2013
p(RU)views featuring WIFE: X-Men: Gold #1

Celebrate the X-Men’s 50th anniversary with RU and WIFE!




Source: Marvel Press Release

RU and WIFE return to take a look at X-Men: Gold #1's “First Look” from Marvel.

X-Men: Gold #1

X-Men Gold Cassaday Variant

WIFE: I did not know that Goldust was The Wizard

RU: Ok, now your just being mean for means sake

WIFE: *shrug*

RU: I’m not one for these types of things, but Jean looks…chunky.

WIFE: Hmmm, yea, it’s right after Halloween, she was probably eating lots of candy. Cut her some slack.

X-Men: Gold #1 Coipel Cover

RU: The Fuck?

WIFE: Is this a bad 80s action movie poster?

RU: I don’t even understand Storm’s…anything

WIFE: Oh, this little zig-zaggy thing?

RU: All of it. The outfit, the hair, the pose.

WIFE: Is she Zuul?

WIFE: Do we have 8 pages of this?

RU: Claremont wrote part of it, be glad there are no words. We’d be here till Thanksgiving.

X-Men: Gold preview pg 1

WIFE: Speaking of Thanksgiving, I found a recipe for pumpkin flavored…

RU: No.

WIFE: But…

RU: No.

WIFE: Thhpt

RU: Is that directed at the art or me?

WIFE: What, the…what? That outfit can’t be weather appropriate.

RU: Storm, again!

WIFE: What’s wrong with her?

RU: Don’t get me started. I never got the love Storm gets.

WIFE: I love you

RU: That’s not what I meant…never mind, thanks.

RU: Is it me, or is the professor all like “Ohh, what a loon I am. Oh, what a loon I am.”

WIFE: Dude, again with the references no one will get.

RU: Like that Cyanide and Happiness link I sent you today?

WIFE: Yes, but without the charm.

RU: grrr

X-Men: Gold #1 preview pg 2

WIFE: Whoa, hello hand!

RU: Shitballs!

X-Men: Gold #1 preview pg 3

WIFE: Is she wearing a dragon?

RU: Yes, and Lockeed rules!

RU: Again, what the fuck is up with Storm?

WIFE: I want a dragon.

RU: You still owe me a puma!

WIFE: It’s on back order.

RU: For 15 years?!

X-Men: Gold #1 preview pg 4

RU: You want to take this one?

WIFE: No, go ahead, it’s all you.

RU: Ow! My nipple!

WIFE: Not where I thought you were going.

RU: What did you expect?

WIFE: Are they amused or horrified?

RU: Rogue looks like someone farted, Cyclops is laughing at the nipple shot, Kurt is giving us his best “O” face, Logan farted, and Storm, well who knows anymore?

WIFE: Yea…this book looks really bad

RU: Yea, anyone who preordered this is probably pretty mad right now!

WIFE: You preordered it didn’t you.

RU: Is there an “X” in the title?

X-Men: Gold #1 preview pg 5

WIFE: G-d dammit, only page 6. At least they finally made it to Oz to visit Goldust.

RU: At least Storm isn’t here.

WIFE: Did they all die? Why are they statues?

RU: Did Iceman die taking a dump?

WIFE: Does she have a penis?

RU: Wouldn’t surprise me, Jean Grey is the worst.

WIFE: How does having a penis make her the worst? Explain your theory.

RU: Even without the penis she’s a ginger.

WIFE: Not really explaining anything.

RU: Because shut-up!

WIFE: And there we go.

X-Men: Gold #1 preview pg 6

WIFE: FINALLY!

WIFE: This is pretty.

RU: Pretty stupid. All I took from this is that you will never forget the name of ooooohhhhhhhh Gooooldust!

WIFE: I’m not sure how I feel about that.

RU: I know it amuses the hell out of me that you get all these wrestling references.

WIFE: This book was dumb. Where’s Deadpool? That was fun.

RU: That’s my girl!  And, those of you who didn’t already pre-order this can avoid it starting on 11/13/13

—-

Celebrate The 50th Anniversary of the X-Men – Your First Look at X-MEN: GOLD #1!

This November, celebrate the milestone anniversary of the Children of the Atom as the X-Men turn 50 years old! Marvel is proud to present your first look at X-Men: Gold #1, featuring all-new stories by legendary creators from the 50 years of rich X-Men history!

“Over the last 50 years, the X-Men have changed people’s lives, myself included.” Says X-Men Senior Editor Nick Lowe.

“Through Cyclops, Jean Grey, Wolverine, Kitty Pryde and the rest of the X-Men, the creators of these merry mutants taught us that it’s not only okay to be different, but that difference is to be celebrated! To honor the characters and the creators we wanted to do something special… hence X-MEN:GOLD!”

X-Men: Gold #1 features an all-new, feature length story by the legendary Chris Claremont and classic X-Artist Bob McLeod! Experience an untold, in-continuity story of the X-Men featuring Cyclops, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Kitty Pryde, and Rogue!

But that’s not all! X-Men: Gold #1 is also jam-packed with stories from all-star creators from the storied history of Marvel’s Mutants – including the first new X-Men story from Stan Lee in years! Stan is joined by Louise Simonson and Walt Simonson to bring you an exciting new tale of the original X-Men!

Also featuring new stories set throughout the history of the X-Men from all-star X-Creators Len Wein, Jorge Molina, Fabian Nicieza, Salvador Larroca, Roy Thomas and Pat Olliffe!

Don’t miss your chance to be a part of X-Men history when X-Men: Gold #1 hits print and digital this November!

X-MEN: GOLD #1 (SEP130754)
Written by CHRIS CLAREMONT, STAN LEE, LOUISE SIMONSON, LEN WIEN, FABIAN NICEZA, & ROY THOMAS
Art by WALTER SIMONSON, BOB MCLEOD, JORGE MOLINA, SALVADOR LARROCA, & PAT OLLIFFE
Cover by OLIVIER COIPEL
Variant Cover by JOHN CASSADAY
FOC – 10/21/13 On-Sale – 11/13/13

——-

p(RU)views featuring WIFENova #4, X-Men #1, Avengers #14, Age Of Ultron #10A.I., New Avengers #8, Avengers #8, X-Men: Battle Of The Atom #1New Avengers #9, Iron man #15Thor: God of Thunder #14, Amazing X-Men #1Night Of The Living Deadpool #1



Written or Contributed by GHERU


October 31, 2013
p(RU)views featuring WIFE: Night Of The Living Deadpool #1

Its a Halloween p(RU)view!



Source: Marvel Press Release
 

WIFE and RU celebrate Halowwen with Zooooommmmbiiieeee Deeaaaadpooool….

Night Of The Living Deadpool #1:

Night Of The Living Deadpool #1 cover

WIFE: No snark, that’s a really pretty cover.

Night Of The Living Deadpool #1 preview page 1

RU: Chimichanga

WIFE: I’m too distracted by the creepy 80s bride chicky in the background

RU: Yea, so far this really isn’t all that conducive to our shtick

Night Of The Living Deadpool #1 preview page 2

WIFE: Zombie wants a chimichanga. I don’t want to be anywhere near that bathroom

RU: Do zombies poop?

WIFE: Maybe they don’t so much poop as ooze

RU: I’m not sure zombies limit themselves to bathrooms

WIFE: Fair enough

RU: I bet he has bad breath

WIFE: Good thing Deadpool has a mask

RU: Indeed

WIFE: So, wait a sec, lets back up. Is Deadpool dead, or can he just not die?

RU: He has a healing factor that is always on so he is hard to kill.

WIFE: So, if the zombie bites him does the bite kill and transform him into a zombie or does it just have a delayed effect so that when he eventually does he becomes a zombie?

RU: You know that I am about to go all fanboy on you, right?

WIFE: Bring it on.

… 20 minutes later

WIFE: Ok then, thanks for clearing that up.

RU: Anytime. No. Really. Anytime. I need more friends.

Night Of The Living Deadpool #1 preview page 3

WIFE: That’s a lot of zombies.

RU: That’s a lot of nuts!

WIFE: 5 will get you 10 no one will get that reference.

RU: I need more friends.

RU: Am I allowed to make a Schindler’s List joke?

WIFE: Wow, wow, wow…no.

RU: Ok

WIFE: Now I can’t unsee that. Dick.

RU: Sorry. I blame Cullen Bunn.

WIFE: I don’t know what that means

RU: I give you, the solicitation:

WIFE: Who is Cullen Bunn?

RU: He wrote the book.

WIFE: Oh, I thought it was some sort of coffee maker.

RU: Goodnight folks, tip your servers! 

——-

DEAPOOL MEETS THE UNDEAD – Your First Look At NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEADPOOL #1!

This January, Deadpool goes where no Deadpool has gone before – to the…dead? Marvel is proud to present your first look at Night of the Living Deadpool #1 – from Cullen Bunn, the writer behind the trilogy of Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe, Deadpool Killustrated, and Deadpool Kills Deadpool and artist Ramon Rosanas!

After waking up from a pretty epic food coma, our hero finds himself in the middle of the zombie apocalypse! And Deadpool’s not the only one with a full belly – there’s plenty of brainless eating machines just looking for their next good meal! Nothing says “tasty meal” like a mutant who can re-grow his flesh!

Don’t miss one of Deadpool’s darkest tales yet…and not just because it’s in black and white! Can the Merc with the Mouth avoid becoming the Merc in their Mouths? Find out this January when Deadpool takes on the undead in Night of the Living Deadpool #1!

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEADPOOL #1
Written by CULLEN BUNN
Art by RAMON ROSNAS
Cover by JAY SHAW
On Sale This January!

——-

p(RU)views featuring WIFENova #4, X-Men #1, Avengers #14, Age Of Ultron #10A.I., New Avengers #8, Avengers #8, X-Men: Battle Of The Atom #1New Avengers #9, Iron man #15Thor: God of Thunder #14, Amazing X-Men #1


Written or Contributed by GHERU


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